About bullying
I have taught over 20 years in Long Beach Unified and Avalon is my fourth assignment. I chose to come to Avalon. I wasn’t assigned by the district. Before I was a teacher, I was the Program Director for a youth camp in San Pedro for 15 years. I am widowed having raised four boys–two of my own and two who adopted me as their mother unofficially. As a result, I am looking at the current controversies regarding Avalon School from “both sides of the aisle”.
Unfortunately, I had the distinct displeasure of attending the Avalon City Council meeting on March 5, 2024. Mrs. Peguero, Avalon School principal, gave a presentation to the council regarding the “State of the School” and during the public comment section of the meeting, she was accused of lying and was personally attacked by people in the audience. Everything that she presented was the truth. No lies. However, that doesn’t mean that some of what the commenters said was wrong either. I have a few observations to make and questions to ask.
One of the main comments I heard over and over was there are no consequences for students who behave badly. I was left wondering to what consequences were they referring–standing on the red line? Taking away recess? Writing standards? Detention? Picking up trash? Suspension? Being sent to the gym teacher for swats? Unfortunately, every single one of those consequences has been taken away for one reason or another by the district. Suspensions we know don’t work. Suspended students typically view suspensions as a day off from school and spend it playing video games, watching TV, or running around town having fun. Detentions are a possibility but they require staff to make it happen and it needs to be uncomfortable for the student–no talking, no phones, etc.
Same with on-campus suspension. Unfortunately, many parents will come get their student out early from detention so the student doesn’t have to serve it and the expectation is that the student has completed it even though the student left early. Then the parent gets mad because the student has to serve another detention because the first wasn’t served completely. The other consequences are no longer viable either as parents have complained that they are “embarrassing” or considered a form of corporal punishment. I’m sorry. I know I’m old school, but maybe a little old-fashioned shame is a good thing. Maybe that’s what’s missing.
One of the other major topics of the public comments was about bullying. So parents, my questions are this: What do you expect the school to be able to do? And what is your personal responsibility in this? What are you doing to empower children who are being bullied? What are parents of bullies doing to mitigate their behavior? What consequences are being meted out at home?
And let’s take this a step further. When did it become cool to be disrespectful? As a young person, I was NEVER allowed to be disrespectful to anyone older than me or in a position of authority under any circumstance. Now our kids don’t care and parents think it’s cute. We go into our classrooms every day, day after day, and try to break through and teach a group of students who don’t want to be there, don’t want to listen and learn, and don’t want to give us the decency of being quiet so others can learn. We have parents calling or texting students in the middle of class and expecting their students to answer their phones–IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS–on a daily basis even though THEY KNOW they’re in class and it’s for something as ridiculous as “What do you want for lunch?” In my day, I took what my parents gave me to eat and was grateful for it. I wasn’t catered to about what I wanted to eat–ever. Cell phones have become the bane of our existence, and in my humble opinion, aren’t needed here in Avalon for primary or middle school students. This past week a middle school student was in the office yelling at an administrator and the office staff because his phone had been taken away for
inappropriate behavior. He repeatedly screamed the F bomb because he wanted his phone back while in the office. I witnessed another incident where a middle school student refused to give his phone to his parent despite the parent demanding he relinquish it. As a parent, I would have immediately called the phone company and disconnected the line indefinitely right then-and-there. In fact, I did exactly that with three of my boys–while they were in high school–until they learned some manners (about four months.)
Show me a teacher who doesn’t almost lose their mind on a daily basis and I’ll show you a teacher who isn’t trying. I can show you parents who aren’t trying. Parents are sending students to school thinking “Job’s done. It’s up to the teachers now.” Well, it doesn’t work that way. Parents have to get in this too. We are in there doing everything we can every day and a lot of what we do is parenting.
Listen, our kids are little, short, cute sinners. They are. If they get in trouble and need to pay consequences or pay restitution, be grateful. Do NOT bail them out. Do not assume it was someone else’s fault despite what your child says. Let the consequence sting. That is kindness as a parent. Better a bad grade, picking up trash, sitting on the bench or not making a team than something worse. Unteachable and uncoachable kids become unemployable adults. Let your kids get used to someone being tough on them and having high expectations. That’s life. Don’t shield them from that gift. Too often we hear parents making excuses trying to get their child out of trouble or claiming it wasn’t their child’s fault. And when consequences need to be issued at home, do it. It’s called being a parent.
The school and its staff cannot do it all on their own. Parents need to be on board as well. When was the last time you, as a parent, showed up on campus and randomly attended one of your student’s classes without advance notice to your child? When was the last time you showed up at Open House (which by the way is March 20) or Back to School Night, or any other non-sporting event on campus? How many of you Avalon parents are registered in Canvas as an observer of your student(s)? (That would be less than 30% of all parents at Avalon in case you were wondering.) The school has offered multiple opportunities for parents to come up to school for various reasons. No one shows. Personally, that’s telling.
Bottom line: If you aren’t a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem.
Melinda A. Clare
Teacher on Special Assignment/Activities Director
Avalon K-12 School
